Booze free, and happy.

I remember the exact moment I decided to stop drinking. I was at a house party, curled up in a chair, feeling an enormous amount of shame for the chaos and upheaval I’d caused over the past couple of weeks. 

I was living in Canada at the time, living in the beautiful mountain town Nelson, BC. It had been an incredible snowboard season, and despite cutting back on the drinking and partying over the years prior, I’d ended up going on a bit of a 6-week bender over the Christmas period. Nothing out of the ordinary for most! Only I didn’t seem to have an “off” switch and I always seemed to leave a trail of destruction whenever I drank. 

On this particular occasion I had got a DUI and lost my driving license. I had to sell my beloved van and pay some hefty fines (and rightly so!!!)  

The shame I felt was amplified by feeling like I was living a contradiction. I knew in my heart that I needed to stop drinking. I had known for a while. My higher Self had shown the effects drinking has in a series of powerful dreams shortly after I had experienced a life-changing, spontaneous kundalini awakening when I was 22 (that’s a story for another day!).  I was committed to my spiritual practices; yoga and Reiki....yet somehow, I had this self-destruct mode that would be activated whenever I drank and this unrecognisable version of me would come out. I like to refer to her as the white-wine-witch.  

Sitting at this party, watching people around me having an amazing time, laughing, dancing and getting ready to head out to the club...I felt completely numb. I knew something needed to change. The events of the past couple of weeks had been the wakeup call I needed. I was committed to my highest path. So I got sober. Then and there. 

For the first year, I found it tough. Sobriety gave me some sobering insights, and I was confronted with all the feelings and traumas I had been supressing and pushing down for years. Once I had no crutches to lean into, nowhere to hide, I began to truly face myself.  

The hardest thing was letting go of friendships that had been built around partying. Over that first year I felt so isolated. I didn’t really have anyone around me who had been on a similar journey, so at social events I was often met with other people projecting their own insecurities around drinking onto me, “go on have a drink” “you’re no fun” “why not just have one”. 

I was surprised at how clunky and insecure I felt at first. I had started drinking and taking drugs incredibly early on in my teens.  Drinking is so hardwired into us in our culture! It felt like I was swimming in new, unchartered waters.  

I persevered... 

...and 4.5 years later, sobriety is one of the BEST decisions I have ever made for my health and healing. 

Here are just some of the things I have noticed since being sober:

IMPROVED MENTAL HEALTH 

I had undiagnosed C-PTSD for many years. Whenever I drank the alcohol would often exacerbate and trigger a trauma-response (shaking, crying, black-out, freeze). My hangovers would be debilitating, I would feel low and anxious for several days, even if I had just had one glass of wine! 

Since quitting, my energy levels are consistent. My mental health is the best it has ever been. I feel so mentally resilient and able to ride the ebbs and flows of life with clarity - processing emotions as they arise instead of avoiding, numbing and suppressing.  

I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TIME FOR DOING THE THINGS I LOVE 

I’m actually a morning person! I could dance all night sober If I wanted to, heck, I still love to dance! But I often find myself sleeping and awaking with the natural seasonal sun. I have more time to get on and do the things that I love. I wake up feeling bright, and excited for my morning rituals and practices and generally feel like my life is so much more aligned. I no longer spend time in recovery mode, catching up on sleep from wild weekends. 

I HAVE MORE ££ TO INVEST IN THE THINGS THAT ENRICH ME 

Boozing comes with a price tag, not just on your health...but financially. It’s never just ‘a drink’. It’s the taxis, the junk food for the recovery the next day, the cigarettes...I have so much more abundance, enriching my life with the things that matter to me; receiving holistic treatments, taking courses, going on retreats or trips away... 

I’M MORE CONNECTED TO SOURCE THAN EVER BEFORE 

Alcohol lowers your frequency and opens you up to energetic parasites. I honestly struggle to walk into a pub anymore, I have become increasingly sensitive to even being around it! My spiritual gifts have developed leaps and bounds since I embraced sobriety. I am able to connect and receive guidance from my spirit team and guides with ease, knowing that I am honouring my body as the temple that it is.  

I CONNECT MORE AUTHENTICALLY WITH PEOPLE 

Often when drinking, we end up hiding behind an alter ego. At social events, I find it easier than ever to be myself. Social anxiety doesn’t bubble up inside me like it once did, where at any social occasion I would feel like I needed to have a drink in my hand to somehow calm my nerves. Because sobriety has allowed me to connect with myself on a deeper level, I now feel so much more confident in my own skin and able to interact and open up from a place of centred, grounded, truth.  

In my sobriety, I have learned that I am someone who has addictive tendencies and probably always will! I am just able to channel those tendencies into more creative, healthier ways, such as spending time in nature, yoga, weight training at the gym or playing guitar.   

About 2 years ago, I thought I would explore if I could be someone who has an occasional drink. After witnessing the white-wine-witch one last time, I made total peace with the knowing that it just isn’t something that could ever work for me! 

I’m not anti-alcohol, it has its place and it can really bring people together! But for me personally, it has never been a substance that has added any value to my life.  

I highly recommend the book “In the realm of hungry ghosts” by Gabor Mate if you are interested in exploring the neuroscience behind addictive tendencies. Whilst I was not addicted to alcohol by any stretch, it was clear that I was using it as a way to avoid myself. I found it helped me to have more compassion for myself, understanding why it was that alcohol affects some people more than others.

It’s exciting to witness the gradual shift in society, where so many more people than ever before seem to be making lifestyle adjustments in a positive, empowering way. There are loads more amazing alcohol-free options out now from when I started my sober journey in February 2018! And lot of festivals, events and gatherings are making the shift to being alcohol free too.

If you’re curious in exploring the impact drinking is having in your life, and taking steps to cut it back, I would totally recommend finding a local support group and finding other like-minded people exploring time without booze. It wasn’t an option for me when I began, but for the first couple of months which can feel hard as you begin to transition, I know that it would have been invaluable to have some extra support!

If you’re in Bristol, check out @sober_circle and @bristolsoberspaces who run regular sober socials!