Not all boob jobs are made equal…

T/W suicide / depression / body image

I’ve decided to make the incredibly hard decision to have the implant in my right breast removed.

When I was in my teens, my breasts developed significantly asymmetric in size. Boobs should be sisters not twins.….but this was on a different scale. One of my breasts was a DD, the other was a small B cup.

The psychological impact of this was enormous and I spent huge chunks of my teens in deep depression, dealing with suicidal thoughts and suppressing my emotions with heavy drink and drug use. I was so ashamed of my body, I didn’t feel I could tell anyone, not even my parents. The secrecy and shame was utterly debilitating and It was an incredibly painful, lonely chapter of my life.

When I was 21, I finally plucked up the courage to tell my Dr, and in July 2014 I had a lifechanging surgery on the NHS, balancing out my breasts with an implant on one side.

My life changed in an instant and I began to love and accept myself. The surgery was the catalyst for so much positive change in my life. It helped me reclaim my confidence and I began a powerful healing journey; deep diving in many holistic modalities, learning Reiki and transmuting the pain that had kept me trapped for so long.

About a year ago, I had a dream that I had breast cancer in my right breast. In the dream I was shown that this experience was to help me step into my “highest timeline”. The day after this dream, my right breast became red, hot and painful. I went to the Drs, and had an emergency scan to check for breast cancer. Thankfully all seemed to be clear, but the experience shook me up nonetheless and my implant has not felt right since.

A couple of weeks ago I went away on a wellness retreat. On the last day, whilst in a meditative state, I had a clear sudden and unexpected insight that I need to have the implant removed ASAP. I was shown how the implant is leaking toxicity in my body and the tissue surrounding the implant became sore and painful.

The risks associated with breast implants are becoming more widely documented and understood. As someone who works in wellness and is incredibly in-tune with their body, I have a deep knowingness that something is not right and it is imperative that I listen to the signs my body has been sharing with me and get the implant taken out, with my left breast reduced in size to match.

Although I had the initial surgery on the NHS, the system is in a very different place right now, especially after the pandemic, so my only option is to go private. Because of this, I am also not eligible for any assistance through my insurance.

This is understandably a really tough decision for me to make given the financial costs of the surgery, being self-employed and having to navigate my body shape adjusting quite drastically!

Yet, I know with every fibre of my being that this surgery is the right decision, and although I am currently riding waves of loss and grief, I am feeling incredibly optimistic and excited to embrace my new form.

I’ve had the implant for 8 years and it has been so powerful in what it has given me, but I have to prioritise my long-term health.  I am such an advocate for natural, holistic living, and the implant no longer feels as though it is supporting me. I am becoming increasingly sensitive and know that this is a necessary step in my journey.

If you would like to support me, I have set up a "buy me a coffee" page, where any contribution to help keep me afloat through the next couple of months will be gratefully received.

I could never have fathomed sharing my story 8 years ago! Now I feel incredibly empowered and hold no shame around my breast nor body.

Our bodies are beautiful, resilient, incredible things! I know I will make a speedy recovery, and bounce back and resume holistic treatments in no time.

For now,  I'm having a slow summer, where I'm focusing on filling my cup (s).